Corinne Martin PC Session 3
Q1. What is front of mind as you enter today?
Q2. What are your objectives; What would you like to get out of today?
Q3. What Questions, thoughts and concerns do you have?
Example answers to questions:
1+2 Growing in our listening skills; Questioning and learning to bring the conversation to a deeper level.
1- To look at life track to see the alignment of values and lifestyle and to take a look back at our history of jobs and family background to see how they affect us moving forward today.
1-Want to have transparent relationships and be trustful in business arena
2- Listening to answer questions before moving onto the next question
2-Starting the coaching- how to get to what’s most important
2- Internal/ External processing are different- how to approach them with goals
3- Short definition of what coaching is when approaching people to practice with.
3- Do you need to get permission from the person before asking coaching questions (because they can be challenging or seen as intrusive)?
Stay away from saying ‘being coached.” It’s not a hierarchical thing. We “enter into a coaching relationship.”
NLP (means? ) Notice the type of phrases people use. “Whatever”, negatives, “I must”, command sentences, etc. Notice it because it tells you something about the person. Don’t address it directly but consider it. Ex “that’s not done” , “because it’s my boss I couldn’t tell him.”
Q. How do you respond?
Q. How would you like to respond? (this empowers them)
Q. What would be an admirable response to that situation?
Be soft on the person and hard on the issues.
Q. What does this tell you about you?
Coaching is addressing issues while being truthful to your own heart.
Our own core values come into play when coaching. Q. What won’t we coach someone into?
“My belief is that it would be much better for you if…”
Offering resources after the coaching session can be ok, helpful.
Be in a place where you draw out. (as opposed to input)
Think back to your parent’s advice and name:
1) A piece of advice you didn’t follow.
Why didn’t you follow it?
What was the value for you of not following?
2) A piece of advice you did follow.
Why did you follow it?
What was the value?
If advice aligns with what is already inside of a person they will be more likely to follow it.
Focus on the value, then lead into action.
Have discussions with children and subordinates before you make a decision. Get buy in.
The way you parent will likely be the way your children lead.
Let the questions build up before you give advice or answers. (buy in, ownership)
What are your best memories?
Challenges in past?
What would you rearrange?
Coachee, make notes of how you feel. What are your motivations? What’s gone? What’s still there?
Q. What would be important for us to talk about in this session?
Q. What’s on your heart, on your mind today?
Q. What would be valuable to talk about today?
Q. What’s important about this?
Q. How do you process?
Q. How have you grown in this area in the past?
Q. What was the process?
What is announced as the issue, often times is not the real issue. It is ok to spend time on the deeper issue but ask them if this is what they want to spend their time on- get their buy in.
You don’t always need an action plan to leave with. Some people grow in action, they need the points. Some people need to keep thinking about the questions and sort things out on their own later (journal, pray).
It is ok to leave them with questions.
Keep our eyes open to the issues. Our issues don’t just come up once and then leave. If it did it wouldn’t be a problem. But it happens in patterns. Each time we are given the opportunity to grow a little bit. We can gain new awareness and get more clarity in the midst of a situation.
Q. Why do I feel this way?
Q. What lies am I believing?
Q. Why does this affect you?
Q. What does this say about me?
Q. What does this show about my values?
Q. What’s really important in this situation?
Q. What insecurities does this situation expose?
Q. How can you grow in this situation?
Triggers and Inhibiters
Triggers are what we want to gain. (Move toward)
Inhibiters are what we want to avoid. (Move away from)
You can’t stop doing something until you’ve replaced it with something more effective.
Q. What are you getting out of it?
Q. How can you replace that?
Q. What does success look like for you? What are the benefits and drawbacks of being successful?
Q. How does God see you?
Q. How do other people see you in this area?
Q. What advice would you give yourself?
Q. Would you take that advice? Why or why not?
Q. How does that affect your view of the world?
Q. What emotions does this bring up in you?
Q. What’s your motivation in doing this?
Levels of Listening:
1. Not listening
2. Pretending
3. Selective listening
-----------------------^Attention is on ourselves---^
4. Attentive- We listen for facts figures, info, and to understand
5. Empathetic listening (moving the attention to the heart)
Will- Elements in
Motivations and desires
Values
Commitments
Habits
What are healthy motivations? Unhealthy? (pride, greed, lust, anger, guilt)
Monday, March 8, 2010
Coaching training day 2
Performance Consultants Coaching Training
Day two exercises and notes
Group questions (sharing circles)
1. What is at the front of your mind as you enter the day?
2. What’s on your personal agenda to get out of the day?
3. What concerns do you have for today?
Focus for today:
Improve the core coaching skills of:
1. Questioning
2. Listening
3. Observing
Notes from groups’ questions and concerns:
o What is the difference between life coaching and professional coaching? Coaching and counseling? Coaching and training? Coaching and management?
o Management differs from leadership because management is hierarchical while leadership leads by inspiration.
o How does coaching change when the coach is the coachee’s boss? The first step is to make an agreement on objectives and goals. Corporate strategy may also dictate what our objectives are. Then the coaching starts. We ask how are we going to get to our goals.
o Coaching is ‘sharper’ than counseling. It focuses on what ‘you’ can do and not what ‘we’ can do. It puts the ball in their court.
o Is it coaching that they need? A widow at a funeral does not need encouragement (coaching) she needs comforting. Encouragement can come after comfort.
o When we suggest we can get a quick ‘yes’ but there could be a reason why they didn’t already do it. They need to have buy-in on the decision. This is where most consulting goes wrong (offering a solution without buy-in).
o There is room for your past experiences if they relate to the coachee’s problems.
o Bring your personality but don’t let it overpower the coachee. Your focus is on them.
Coaching Practice 1- Life track
Break up into groups of three. One is the coach, another the coachee and the third is the observer. Talk about the life track for 15 min.
Then the coach meets with the observer and hears the observer’s thoughts and impressions while the coachees meet together.
In the same groups and roles take the next 15 to set and work toward objectives and goals.
Example questions:
o Why was this a high moment? What were the ingredients?
o Where you the victim or did you create the conditions? What were the circumstances? How can you avoid those situations in the future? How did you create those conditions?
o What did you learn about yourself (reign in observations about other people; bring it back to them. They can’t control others, only themselves)?
o Don’t make assumptions. Ex. ‘my parents got divorced when I was five’. Don’t assume that they view the divorce as a bad thing. Ask them about it. What did that mean to you?
o Listen to how people describe things. If they use ‘feel’ a lot then they are probably feelers. It’s ok to ask them how did you feel questions. If they use ‘think’ more they are probably thinkers. Ask what they thought about things. How did you react to that?
o What kind of boundaries would you like to set up?
o What do you need in order for you to feel stronger? How do you feel about asking ____ for help?
o Why is there a misalignment?
o Find another voice inside of you to reign back that voice.
o Role-play- coach is ____. Coachee is themselves. How would you say it to ___?
o How do I as_______(Jim) feel now? Defensive?
o Imagine you have to say it to me in a way that I can hear it.
o What is the impact of this on you?
o What is the impact of this on the other person?
o What’s your limiting belief?
o What do other people need to hear from you?
o What other conversations do you need to have and with whom?
Notes on Life Track.
o Point out strong points.
o Talk about vigilant points (points to be aware of).
o The coachee can feel like they are telling a story. Feel free to interrupt and bring it back to deeper issues.
o The objective is to trigger awareness at a deeper level
o Verbalization makes us realize things.
Coaching Practice 2- Life track
The coaching triad starts again with different roles. Coach becomes observer, observer becomes coachee and coachee become coach.
G oals GROW Model
R eality
O ptions
W ill
What questions fit into these four categories? Where do they fit?
Goals
o Where do you see yourself in one month? (goals) Where do you see yourself in one year? (dreams)
o What would you like to see happen?
o What are you struggling with?
o How would you like to grow?
o Which one would you like to focus on most?
o What are the company/ group’s goals and values? Are your goals compatible with theirs?
o If you were 5% more effective in this area, what would it look like?
Reality
o Tell me what’s going on there.
o Is your goal realistic?
o How many people share this goal? Does your boss share that same goal?
o What have you done so far?
o How do you ____(ex. say ‘no’) when you ____(ex. do say no)?
o What does that tell you about you?
o How do others see you?
o What’s the benefit for you?
o What’s the benefit for others?
o (Asking ‘why’ is most important in goal setting. Then move on to ‘how’. ‘Why’ asks not only what you are moving toward but also what you are moving away from.)
Options
o What would you say to them?
o What else could you do?
o How would you describe this to your to your best friend?
o If you were in their shoes how would you like to hear it?
o What is the up side for you? For others? What is the down side for you? For others? A developed person is someone who sees things from multiple perspectives. We always need to think about results and relationships.
Will
o How do you feel about doing that?
o When?
o What part of you wants to do it?
o What part doesn’t
o What happens if you don’t get it?
o (Commitment to get it is very important. Most people say they will but won’t. This step is also where we form actions steps).
Coaching Practice 3- Life track
The coaching triad starts again with different roles. Coach becomes observer, observer becomes coachee and coachee becomes coach.
Homework:
Find a coachee, enter a coaching relationship, coach a minimum of 6 hours.
What did I notice about myself?
What did I find easy and natural?
What did I find more difficult, unnatural?
What was my learning?
What would I do differently if I could do it again?
Who am I, who do I want to be?
Day two exercises and notes
Group questions (sharing circles)
1. What is at the front of your mind as you enter the day?
2. What’s on your personal agenda to get out of the day?
3. What concerns do you have for today?
Focus for today:
Improve the core coaching skills of:
1. Questioning
2. Listening
3. Observing
Notes from groups’ questions and concerns:
o What is the difference between life coaching and professional coaching? Coaching and counseling? Coaching and training? Coaching and management?
o Management differs from leadership because management is hierarchical while leadership leads by inspiration.
o How does coaching change when the coach is the coachee’s boss? The first step is to make an agreement on objectives and goals. Corporate strategy may also dictate what our objectives are. Then the coaching starts. We ask how are we going to get to our goals.
o Coaching is ‘sharper’ than counseling. It focuses on what ‘you’ can do and not what ‘we’ can do. It puts the ball in their court.
o Is it coaching that they need? A widow at a funeral does not need encouragement (coaching) she needs comforting. Encouragement can come after comfort.
o When we suggest we can get a quick ‘yes’ but there could be a reason why they didn’t already do it. They need to have buy-in on the decision. This is where most consulting goes wrong (offering a solution without buy-in).
o There is room for your past experiences if they relate to the coachee’s problems.
o Bring your personality but don’t let it overpower the coachee. Your focus is on them.
Coaching Practice 1- Life track
Break up into groups of three. One is the coach, another the coachee and the third is the observer. Talk about the life track for 15 min.
Then the coach meets with the observer and hears the observer’s thoughts and impressions while the coachees meet together.
In the same groups and roles take the next 15 to set and work toward objectives and goals.
Example questions:
o Why was this a high moment? What were the ingredients?
o Where you the victim or did you create the conditions? What were the circumstances? How can you avoid those situations in the future? How did you create those conditions?
o What did you learn about yourself (reign in observations about other people; bring it back to them. They can’t control others, only themselves)?
o Don’t make assumptions. Ex. ‘my parents got divorced when I was five’. Don’t assume that they view the divorce as a bad thing. Ask them about it. What did that mean to you?
o Listen to how people describe things. If they use ‘feel’ a lot then they are probably feelers. It’s ok to ask them how did you feel questions. If they use ‘think’ more they are probably thinkers. Ask what they thought about things. How did you react to that?
o What kind of boundaries would you like to set up?
o What do you need in order for you to feel stronger? How do you feel about asking ____ for help?
o Why is there a misalignment?
o Find another voice inside of you to reign back that voice.
o Role-play- coach is ____. Coachee is themselves. How would you say it to ___?
o How do I as_______(Jim) feel now? Defensive?
o Imagine you have to say it to me in a way that I can hear it.
o What is the impact of this on you?
o What is the impact of this on the other person?
o What’s your limiting belief?
o What do other people need to hear from you?
o What other conversations do you need to have and with whom?
Notes on Life Track.
o Point out strong points.
o Talk about vigilant points (points to be aware of).
o The coachee can feel like they are telling a story. Feel free to interrupt and bring it back to deeper issues.
o The objective is to trigger awareness at a deeper level
o Verbalization makes us realize things.
Coaching Practice 2- Life track
The coaching triad starts again with different roles. Coach becomes observer, observer becomes coachee and coachee become coach.
G oals GROW Model
R eality
O ptions
W ill
What questions fit into these four categories? Where do they fit?
Goals
o Where do you see yourself in one month? (goals) Where do you see yourself in one year? (dreams)
o What would you like to see happen?
o What are you struggling with?
o How would you like to grow?
o Which one would you like to focus on most?
o What are the company/ group’s goals and values? Are your goals compatible with theirs?
o If you were 5% more effective in this area, what would it look like?
Reality
o Tell me what’s going on there.
o Is your goal realistic?
o How many people share this goal? Does your boss share that same goal?
o What have you done so far?
o How do you ____(ex. say ‘no’) when you ____(ex. do say no)?
o What does that tell you about you?
o How do others see you?
o What’s the benefit for you?
o What’s the benefit for others?
o (Asking ‘why’ is most important in goal setting. Then move on to ‘how’. ‘Why’ asks not only what you are moving toward but also what you are moving away from.)
Options
o What would you say to them?
o What else could you do?
o How would you describe this to your to your best friend?
o If you were in their shoes how would you like to hear it?
o What is the up side for you? For others? What is the down side for you? For others? A developed person is someone who sees things from multiple perspectives. We always need to think about results and relationships.
Will
o How do you feel about doing that?
o When?
o What part of you wants to do it?
o What part doesn’t
o What happens if you don’t get it?
o (Commitment to get it is very important. Most people say they will but won’t. This step is also where we form actions steps).
Coaching Practice 3- Life track
The coaching triad starts again with different roles. Coach becomes observer, observer becomes coachee and coachee becomes coach.
Homework:
Find a coachee, enter a coaching relationship, coach a minimum of 6 hours.
What did I notice about myself?
What did I find easy and natural?
What did I find more difficult, unnatural?
What was my learning?
What would I do differently if I could do it again?
Who am I, who do I want to be?
Corinne Coaching training day 1
Performance Consultants Coaching Training
Day one exercises and notes
Ice Breakers
· What were you like as a kid? (you are probably still that kid in a lot of ways)
· Tell about a leap you took into the unknown.
· Share an embarrassing moment.
· Talk about something you are proud of. (coaching can start with what you are good at)
Coaching needs to be practiced. We need 200 hours coaching training. Keep a journal on the sessions. We need to both coach and be coached.
Our objectives for this coaching training are _________________? Post-it
In groups answer:
1. What is coaching?
2. What is the purpose of coaching? (going further, faster, more smoothly, and more aligned than without coaching)
3. What are the different ways of learning?
4. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each way of learning?
5. Why is coaching more effective than other learning approaches?
Notes:
o In coaching group objective move down into personal goals. One person may need to work on speed and another on remembering their plays in order for the team to get better.
o Coaching both supports and challenges. We give feedback to help bring the goals into realization. Part of coaching is accountability. We are working on responsibility and awareness (when it clicks, we get clarity, hope) . Changing habits is tough; awareness is not enough. It’s important not to make the coachee feel guilty or uncomfortable in the responsibility piece.
o Coaching tends to look forward more than backwards where therapy tends to deal more with the past than the future. Coaching is more measurable.
o The average coaching session is usually 2- 6 two-hour sessions. Coaches deal with a time restraint.
o Coaching responds to the real needs of today. Ex lost in society, looking for meaning, dealing with insecurities and blind spots
o Coaches don’t just look at the behavior; they look at what’s behind the behavior. Objectives change so we need to get at the root first.
o Take issues one thing at a time. Ex. a tennis coach doesn’t work on the way you hold the racket, footwork, etc all at once.
o Prescriptive teaching (I have the knowledge and if you knew what I know you’d be ok) is limited. There is no hierarchy in coaching; it is not a transfer of knowledge (consulting). It is not prescriptive.
o Capture key words ex. Boiling over. Look at body language. Write down ideas. Don’t be afraid to interrupt. Work through it, not around it.
Mandalla Painting exercise
Outside of the circles- paint how you perceive the outside world.
Outer circle- How do you protect yourself from the outside world? (what barriers do you put up? What barriers do your coachees put up? Few are conscious of how much self protection is going on)
Middle circle part 1- How do you find your security? (is it tangible or intangible? What happens when these things are not there?)
Middle circle part 2- face to face; relationships; What do you look for? How do you approach relationships?
Middle circle part 3- Leadership; how do I fit into leadership?
Center circle- Our core; How do you connect with and bring out the core of yourself?
o Make sure if you do an exercise like this it feels ‘not marked or graded’. Help them to have fun and be free and know they are not being judged on their art or answers.
o This exercise show some of the varied perspectives of the world we bring.
What a coach does:
1) Think of someone who had a positive influence in your life and helped you go further than you would have gone on your own.
2) What did they do or say to give effect?
3) What effect did that have on you?
4) How much time did that person spend on you?
5) Where was his or her focus while he or she was with you?
Notes from our group:
o Personal (for both people) and not corporate
o Comfortable and secure while being challenged. Not feeling threatened.
o Kindness; not just projecting but really feeling
o Stays focused on the coachee
o A good coach always sees the potential in the other person
o They are available/ made themselves available
o Quality of time over amount of time spent
o Passionate
Elements of Coaching:
1. Questioning
2. Active listening
3. Effective feedback (they lead the person into something)
4. Relational (The coaching relationship is the foundation of coaching)
5. Coach does not bring their baggage into the coaching time.
Group time for questions:
1. What are my natural strengths in coaching?
2. What will be a stretch for me?
21 Questions
1. What quality do you want to see developed in yourself?
2. What will be the advantages to me and to others if this quality is developed?
3. With more of this quality what would you be doing differently?
4. Picture a film of yourself five years from now. You have 100% of this quality. What do you see? (What are the advantages of having this quality?)
5. What would be a milestone along the way?
6. How long will it take to get to the first step?
7. Where am I now on a scale from one to ten from this first step?
8. In the present time, without enough of this quality, how do you feel?
9. What have you done already to acquire more of this quality?
10. What’s stopping you from doing more?
11. If you didn’t acquire this quality, what are the consequences?
12. Sep outside and observe yourself. What’s really going on here?
13. If your survival depended on developing this quality, what would you do?
14. Think of someone you admire. What would they do about it?
15. The responsibility is yours for acquiring this quality. Other people can’t do it for you. Make a recommendation to yourself for what to do.
16. What could come in the way to slow you down?
17. What personal resistance could get in the way of your implementing your action plan?
18. What will you do to eliminate that resistance?
19. What support may you need and how will you get it?
20. What is your level of commitment to carry this out? (Are there lots of reasons to do it and lots of reasons not to or only reasons to work on it?)
21. (Group question) How did these questions effect you?
Homework:
Fill in your life track.
Read one of the following:
Coaching for Performance John Whitmore
Coaching Questions Tony Stolzfus
Coaching—Evoking Excellence in Others James Flaherty
Developing the Leader Within You John Maxwell
Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman
Working with Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman
Day one exercises and notes
Ice Breakers
· What were you like as a kid? (you are probably still that kid in a lot of ways)
· Tell about a leap you took into the unknown.
· Share an embarrassing moment.
· Talk about something you are proud of. (coaching can start with what you are good at)
Coaching needs to be practiced. We need 200 hours coaching training. Keep a journal on the sessions. We need to both coach and be coached.
Our objectives for this coaching training are _________________? Post-it
In groups answer:
1. What is coaching?
2. What is the purpose of coaching? (going further, faster, more smoothly, and more aligned than without coaching)
3. What are the different ways of learning?
4. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each way of learning?
5. Why is coaching more effective than other learning approaches?
Notes:
o In coaching group objective move down into personal goals. One person may need to work on speed and another on remembering their plays in order for the team to get better.
o Coaching both supports and challenges. We give feedback to help bring the goals into realization. Part of coaching is accountability. We are working on responsibility and awareness (when it clicks, we get clarity, hope) . Changing habits is tough; awareness is not enough. It’s important not to make the coachee feel guilty or uncomfortable in the responsibility piece.
o Coaching tends to look forward more than backwards where therapy tends to deal more with the past than the future. Coaching is more measurable.
o The average coaching session is usually 2- 6 two-hour sessions. Coaches deal with a time restraint.
o Coaching responds to the real needs of today. Ex lost in society, looking for meaning, dealing with insecurities and blind spots
o Coaches don’t just look at the behavior; they look at what’s behind the behavior. Objectives change so we need to get at the root first.
o Take issues one thing at a time. Ex. a tennis coach doesn’t work on the way you hold the racket, footwork, etc all at once.
o Prescriptive teaching (I have the knowledge and if you knew what I know you’d be ok) is limited. There is no hierarchy in coaching; it is not a transfer of knowledge (consulting). It is not prescriptive.
o Capture key words ex. Boiling over. Look at body language. Write down ideas. Don’t be afraid to interrupt. Work through it, not around it.
Mandalla Painting exercise
Outside of the circles- paint how you perceive the outside world.
Outer circle- How do you protect yourself from the outside world? (what barriers do you put up? What barriers do your coachees put up? Few are conscious of how much self protection is going on)
Middle circle part 1- How do you find your security? (is it tangible or intangible? What happens when these things are not there?)
Middle circle part 2- face to face; relationships; What do you look for? How do you approach relationships?
Middle circle part 3- Leadership; how do I fit into leadership?
Center circle- Our core; How do you connect with and bring out the core of yourself?
o Make sure if you do an exercise like this it feels ‘not marked or graded’. Help them to have fun and be free and know they are not being judged on their art or answers.
o This exercise show some of the varied perspectives of the world we bring.
What a coach does:
1) Think of someone who had a positive influence in your life and helped you go further than you would have gone on your own.
2) What did they do or say to give effect?
3) What effect did that have on you?
4) How much time did that person spend on you?
5) Where was his or her focus while he or she was with you?
Notes from our group:
o Personal (for both people) and not corporate
o Comfortable and secure while being challenged. Not feeling threatened.
o Kindness; not just projecting but really feeling
o Stays focused on the coachee
o A good coach always sees the potential in the other person
o They are available/ made themselves available
o Quality of time over amount of time spent
o Passionate
Elements of Coaching:
1. Questioning
2. Active listening
3. Effective feedback (they lead the person into something)
4. Relational (The coaching relationship is the foundation of coaching)
5. Coach does not bring their baggage into the coaching time.
Group time for questions:
1. What are my natural strengths in coaching?
2. What will be a stretch for me?
21 Questions
1. What quality do you want to see developed in yourself?
2. What will be the advantages to me and to others if this quality is developed?
3. With more of this quality what would you be doing differently?
4. Picture a film of yourself five years from now. You have 100% of this quality. What do you see? (What are the advantages of having this quality?)
5. What would be a milestone along the way?
6. How long will it take to get to the first step?
7. Where am I now on a scale from one to ten from this first step?
8. In the present time, without enough of this quality, how do you feel?
9. What have you done already to acquire more of this quality?
10. What’s stopping you from doing more?
11. If you didn’t acquire this quality, what are the consequences?
12. Sep outside and observe yourself. What’s really going on here?
13. If your survival depended on developing this quality, what would you do?
14. Think of someone you admire. What would they do about it?
15. The responsibility is yours for acquiring this quality. Other people can’t do it for you. Make a recommendation to yourself for what to do.
16. What could come in the way to slow you down?
17. What personal resistance could get in the way of your implementing your action plan?
18. What will you do to eliminate that resistance?
19. What support may you need and how will you get it?
20. What is your level of commitment to carry this out? (Are there lots of reasons to do it and lots of reasons not to or only reasons to work on it?)
21. (Group question) How did these questions effect you?
Homework:
Fill in your life track.
Read one of the following:
Coaching for Performance John Whitmore
Coaching Questions Tony Stolzfus
Coaching—Evoking Excellence in Others James Flaherty
Developing the Leader Within You John Maxwell
Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman
Working with Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman
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